Your inquiry has been received. That was your first mistake.
A binocular-wielding jester peers from behind an ornate folding screen beneath “Department of None of Your Fucking Business.” Privacy, personal boundaries, and bureaucratic nonsense meet in one gloriously unhelpful department.
Need help choosing a size?
Check the available colors and sizes above. For garment measurements, Contact the Court before ordering.
Production & delivery
Your shirt is made after you order, then shipped. Timing varies by destination, production capacity, and shipping method. Check available shipping options and charges at checkout.
Read shipping & delivery
Returns & order issues
No routine returns or exchanges for a change of mind or choosing the wrong size or color. For damaged, defective, incorrect, or incomplete items, contact us within 30 days of delivery. Your rights under applicable law are unaffected.
Read the full returns policy
More from the Fool
Welcome to the department. Please take a number, explain why you need to know, and prepare to leave with neither an answer nor your original confidence.
Behind the screen, the Fool has reviewed your request. The binoculars are for spotting follow-up questions before they reach the desk.
This design turns a firm boundary into a fictional government office: elaborate presentation, limited access, and absolutely no obligation to satisfy casual curiosity.
For private people, professional oversharers in recovery, and anyone tired of being asked to submit a detailed explanation for simply existing.
Office hours: whenever we feel like it. Public records: mind your own.
Long Live the Fool.
